If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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