he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
