I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
