i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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