your thong is hanging out like whoa
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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