i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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