At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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