he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
