I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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