I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
