It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You did what with his pubic hair?
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