Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
