I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
