wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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