Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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