It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
