dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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