I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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