someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
