just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
