I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
