He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
