i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
