Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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