You're completely useless in the revolution.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
