Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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