Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
