I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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