Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is Oprah even human
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
