1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
