i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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