Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
