it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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