she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
