I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
