i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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