Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
