tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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