Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
