guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
