meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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