I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
