well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
