I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
