so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
