I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
