Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
