I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
