When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
