Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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