I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
