Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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