tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ketchup is God's man juice
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
