from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
