My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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