So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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