My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
