We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have fence marks all over my body
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
