THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
