i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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