Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
