Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
