Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
