Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
