Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I smell stomach acid.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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