she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
