what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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