I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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