I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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