I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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