my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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