her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
