Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
