So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
