i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
