I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
