Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
