god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
be right there i have to get my cape
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
