i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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